Time

The wedding date is down to days and soon it will be hours and then minutes. Neither of us feel nervous or unsure. If anything, we are ready to do this wedding and have a great day with our family and friends. It's crazy to think that what started out as having beers three years ago has turned into a wedding producing one dog son and more extended family for both of us.

It's nice to get well wishes from others with their cards and such. I keep smiling because people keep congratulating us and we haven't uttered a single "I-do." We did not register for gifts. We have everything any couple could need and a registry seemed gluttonous. We've asked people to donate to the Golden Retriever Rescue Society in Louisville in lieu of china or bath towels. We love animals but we are more passionate about those animals who need homes. The only thing that trumps our love of the bicycle is the love of our golden retriever.

With wedding bands ordered and marriage licensees secured, we just wait. We wait until a gaggle of family descend on us wanting pictures, toasts, hugs and hand shakes. We wait until Saturday afternoon before dressing in our best clothes sans spandex, cycling tee's or yoga pants that we are more known to wear. We wait until the bagpiper (yes, we have a bagpiper!) arrives announcing a courtship coming full circle.


Where we will have our vows

There are voids along the way. We do not get to share our day with my grandfather whom I miss more than words could ever express. I miss his sounds, his sighs, and his gruff exterior. I miss his "country-ness" and ability to speak his mind without the concerns of being politically correct. I was and still am the favorite granddaughter. He would like JC. He would shake his hand and make some comment about him being bald. We would all laugh. Sadly, we do not get to enjoy that moment. We do not get to share the day with JC's mom and I will forever have a void of not knowing her but I have an arsenal of stories from others that I suspect will bring me closer to knowing who she was. I already know I would have enjoyed being with her. I love cooking and I love her son. As I understand, she had the same loves.
 

Historic Bed and Breakfast awaiting guests

For all that goes into planning a wedding, the last remaining days are the hardest and most demanding. There are small tasks that make me wish I had a supportive sibling who was eager to help. My mother has been a task general and although she has voiced her distaste for the bagpiper, she has remained supportive and assisted in every stage of the wedding.

Gardens around the Bed and Breakfast

Now we wait. We watch the weather channel constantly hoping for pleasant weather without heavy rain showers, wind storms, or tornadoes. We answer phone calls and emails to show our appreciation for the congratulations we receive. We wait and miss those not here. Yet, this time, next week, the day will have passed, names will have changed and we move on. Mom has always told me I've never been one to stand still or stay in one place. I like to move around, move on, and get to the next chapter. This time, she's right.

Under the gun...

According to the calendar, I have a wedding to attend soon. My own! Which is more nerve racking, preparing for the first cyclocross race the weekend before the wedding or preparing for the wedding? It's a trick question as the two things are equally stressful.

My parents asked me not to race the weekend before the wedding but I really want to. My race is 30-minutes and my field is rather small. It's not like I am racing IN my wedding dress. JC will be racing just a few minutes before me. We will finish about the same time. For both events though, it is down the final preparations, the final details, the tasks.

Between interval training rides which stiffen my legs to concrete, I've confirmed the photographer, had a quick dress rehearsal and check in with mom regularly on other details. Without my mom, our wedding would likely be a thrown together potluck outside under a misshapen tent with JC and me in jeans and tee shirts. Mom has been able to do so much with so little. She is crafty with that glue gun.

Normally, this time of year I am nervous anyway with the race season approaching. The wedding is just icing on my nerve cake. There is nothing to worry about but when you are a task master and a person who likes to be a hostess, it is really hard to not want to work the event like I've done so many times over. It’s equally as distracting to not be able to train every night of the week. I’m a worker bee and like to be my best at all times. Mom consistently reminds me that I am not supposed to be working on our wedding day. I will likely be doing some tasks...it's how I operate. I can stand on a ladder in heels. I’ve done it before.


New Cyclocross Frames Awaiting Building

Speaking of tasks..the next tasks, taking a day off to go to the Social Security office and the DMV. The name change will happen sometime in the next six weeks. I'm ready. My new bikes have my married name on the top tubes but my racing license has my maiden name. It's all in the details.

I would like to think of the cyclocross race the weekend before like a bachelor/ bachelorette party sans jell-o shots, drunken madness, and any glittery stripper nudity. Next week, I am having drinks with the girls to celebrate the approaching nuptials. Since I am not a party girl, this is the perfect thing and something I am truly looking forward to. The cyclocross race just continues the party in a spandex sweaty haze.

It has not been a traditional engagement. Nothing, JC and I have ever done has been traditional or normal. There has always been some hitch, glitch, or hiccup. We’ve been able to look back and laugh about the past three years while looking forward to the future. This has truly been a great year and whether I was supposed to end up here or not, I’m here. Bring on a race, bring on a wedding, just not at the same time.

More Than a Star

In late November, I will turn thirty-six. I am a self proclaimed over achieving goal setter. I set goals for everything from athletics, to work, and home. If there is a bare minimum, I want more and I am not afraid to work to get what I want. I’ve held a steady job (or two at a time) since I was 16 and have never regretted a single day of it. I check off goals like a long to-do list. Now, on my list, I want to own a Mercedes Benz.

Why a Benz? Why now? My father has worked for Mercedes for nearly 40-years (Tafel Motors in Louisville, Kentucky). While many girls grew up wanting a Barbie dream house, I wanted hot wheels, specifically mini Mercedes replicas in all colors (the gullwing was a favorite). My youth is memorialized by the smell of diesel fuel, the distinctive purring of Mercedes diesel engines and the infamous star logo.

My dad is my hero. He’s done all the things a good parent should do. My dad has worked ten, twelve or fourteen hour days often bent over hot running cars for as long as I can remember. He’s provided for our family so I could have things like a nice home, sports, and a college education. He has always taken pride in being a service technician even with the back breaking work that is required to be a mechanic. My dad is a poster child for the blue collar, honest American worker. Even with this kind of demanding work schedule, he’s always found time to be with me. He never missed a softball game, science fair or art show. He will tell you he was sometimes embarrassed attending events in his uniform. To me, it was my dad. I only cared he was there he was there for me. I did not care about his fashion choices.

With my youth enveloped with all things Mercedes, you can be assured my parents home was filled with Mercedes calendars, key fobs, tee-shirts, hats, posters, visors, books, and various certificates that dad earned marking milestones. Our house was a Mercedes pep rally marred with pride in very room. What we did not have in my youth was a Benz in our drive-way. Dad always said that a Benz was a reward and he wasn’t ready to own one yet. I believed my dad and slowly but surely that became the reward I wanted. When people would ask about what I wanted to drive, I always said “Mercedes.”

Through two degrees, a few life changes, one job layoff and various moves around my hometown, my dad has continued to be there and I still desired to own a Benz. In my twenties, I was only a few steps shy of being able to own one but I wasn’t ready for the reward until I felt I was settled in life. This January, I became engaged, secured a comfortable fun job and by all definitions, I am settled. My fiance and I saved our funds and hoped that we would be able to purchase a trade-in. Dad was on the vigilant look out for a wagon in good condition.
 Dad, nor Tafel Motors let me down. Upon returning from a brief vacation to Maine, dad alerted me to a pristine trade-in , a silver C240 wagon with less than 69,000 miles. He instructed me to purchase the car immediately, without driving it. As usual, I listened to his advice.

The new car coming home this week.

To most people, a car is just a car. I am not one to believe in status symbols nor do I need the latest and greatest trend. I am known among my friends for my frugalness and determination. I’ve owned four cars since my sixteenth birthday, all European. They were cars designed to get me from point A to point B. This week, after dad completes some work on the car, I will have my Mercedes Benz that I want and that I worked for. It’s used but dad has assured me, my future husband and I will get many more miles out of this car. It is not a luxury car, it is a symbol of my dads work, his pride in a product and my reward for never slowing down in life. It is hopefully a mark that his rearing paid off. To this day, mom and dad do not own a Mercedes. He wears his uniform everyday with the iconic star symbol but drives a car with over 200,000 known miles. My parents’ home is still rifled with all things Mercedes. I believe as dad is preparing for retirement, he is hoping to own a Mercedes. It never crossed his mind to buy the wagon for himself. He purchased it for me. I can only hope that I could buy one for him someday, perhaps a new goal for my forties. How awesome would it be to buy a car for my life hero?

The New Domesticity

This weekend I was submerged in domestic bliss over a hot stove boiling cherries to prepare for pie and jam. I’ve just returned home from the northeast visiting my friend who I teased about “selling out to suburbia.” She had always been a city girl, living in a small apartment, commuting by subways and scraping by just to makes ends meet. Now she owns a charming bungalo home in the suburbs, commutes into the city (sometimes by car), has a full size stove (as opposed to her apartment sized appliance), a backyard with bird feeders and a driveway. She noted that since moving in, she has the urge to bake and cook more. We compared recipes. We talked about food. I realized in my hazing of her transition, I was hazing myself. I love the kitchen!

If this were the 1940’s, I would likely not be working outside the home. I would be tending to offspring and keeping house. I would prepare at least three meals a day. For some, this may sound horrible but I love the kitchen. I love preparing meals and cooking from scratch. When I read about contaminated food or chemically engineered foods, I squirm. I immediately think of something homemade.

When I set out to make jam and pie this weekend, it was labor intensive. The crust had to chill before I could roll it out. I had to pit the cherries by hand, sterilize the jars and wait for everything to congeal or bake. Yes, it took time but in the end, I had a delicious selection of homemade goods. I could identify where everything came from and how it was prepared.


4lbs of hand pitted cherries.

No one taught me how to do these things. As a young child, I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandmother in the kitchen. She cooked everything from scratch, even ketchup (it was delicious). She did not write many of her recipes down. That is a loss of mine but I learned from her science mastery to just try things. Some things work out, others do not. When she cooked from scratch, It took more time and no, she never worked outside the home.


Boiling cherries soaking pectin bath

My mom told me this weekend that my grandmother would be proud to know I love the kitchen. Even my own mother refuses to bake or cook things from scratch. She hates the kitchen heat and labor. It is a choice she makes. She laughed, while sampling my cherry pie, at my excitement over blueberries but shrilled when I mentioned peaches (her favorite fruit).

Finished product, pie and jam

The feminist movement was more about equality. Certainly, some women wanted to escape the grasp of domestic duties. I try to balance my career and home life. It is easier said than done. We do have meals in a paper bag at times. I am not as happy on those nights as I am in the kitchen making homemade sweet and sour chicken or burgers. It’s a choice. I choose to spend the time and effort. I do not need to burn my bra or escape from the confines of “the man.” I have an apron and I’m proud of it.

Reunions, Families and One Bathroom

Much earlier this year, JC and I made plans for a summer vacation. His family is quite accustom to visiting Maine every year. I was thrilled at the opportunity to visit someplace new and add to my long list of visited areas. When we discussed these plans, it was cold and dreary outside. It felt like July was years away. Yet, before I knew it, I was sitting in an airport leaving for vacation, my first real vacation in four years.

My first stop before reaching Maine, was an overnight stay in New York City to see one of my dearest friends, Annie. Since the fourth day of our freshman year of high school, we have been close. After high school, she moved to the big city. I have been flying up to see her for over fifteen years.  My comfort level with NYC is quite high. I know the trains, the avoidance of tourist traps, and places to get really good foods cheap. Having only a day in the New York area, I did not have time to wander Fifth Avenue for trinkets. Instead, I stopped to have a picnic on Seventh Ave while waiting for a train. It was so pleasant to watch all the people hurrying to their destinations with cell phones, bags, and I heart NYC tee's (they still sell those). I enjoyed a muffin and water while waiting in the infamous Penn Station to travel to New Jersey where Annie now lives. She defected from the city for suburban living nearly a year ago. Now, I can add Maplewood, NJ to my list of places visited.



One of the interesting places you'll see in Manhattan



Train station outside Maplewood

 I have not seen Annie in a couple of years. As I was waiting at the train station in the charming neighborhood of  Maplewood, I became overwhelmed with nervous energy but within moments, I was able to hug and laugh with her as if time never stopped. For the next several hours, we sat in her new home sipping a pitcher of gin and tonics, talking, laughing, and nearly forgetting I had to leave the next morning. We grilled out with her boyfriend dining alfresco and laughed at a never ending backyard battle between the squirrels and birds. I wanted to cry the next morning when I boarded the train heading back into the city to reach the airport where I would land in Maine before the morning was over.

The bottomless gin and tonic garnished with cucumber. Delicious!



Annie and Melinda friends since 1992

 On my second flight in as many days to Portland, Maine, I was surrounded by small, screaming children. The flight is only an hour from NYC but it felt like an eternity with toddlers melting down with tiny sticky fingers grabbing at my belongings (thank God for i-pods!). Once my feet were securely on the ground and no small child was within my reach, I met up with JC outside the airport. I was in Maine. I was on his home turf now. The first thing I noticed about Maine was the air. It is fresh, crisp and seasoned by the ocean. We began making our way to his families cabin out on the coast on an island an hour away from Portland.



JC's Family Cabin

JC's family has a multi generational history of vacationing in Maine, specifically in the Five Islands Region. The family cabin has a small but adequate ocean view (you can see water!!). The island is cut off from many modern amenities including grocery shopping (30-minute drive), pizza delivery, cable or internet. However, you do not need much to enjoy yourself there. On the sun porch you can watch lobster boats, kayaks, and various sized sailing vessels coming and going from the nearby harbor all day long. The cabin is an old structure spanning many years of various remodel. If I was looking for a vacation with bell hops, a spa or inground pool, I needed to move my body to another place and spend an obscene amount of cash in this area of the country. This family domicile is an affordable DIY option. The house has a lot of history and I liked that. It is a very important part of JC's life. Once I was settled in, it was time to explore the island.

View from sun porch.

Anytime, I visit someplace new, I just want to soak it all in. I want to see everything and by everything, I do not mean the tourist stuff. I want to see the everyday things. I always ask myself "what do people do around here all day?" The few places of employment on the island involve tourism or fishing. Most places shut down in the winter. People come to the island for many reasons but one of them is the view. Although, we were plagued by mosquitoes that seemed immune to any bug spray, I could not get enough time near the ocean. The water was frigid at times but it offered just enough of a reprieve from the sunbathing rock I was perched on. While basking in the sun, the  birds, woodland creatures and even house cats made appearances throughout the days. There is no shortage of things to look at on this island. When not watching birds, I was lost in the various sail boats that skirted along the waters. Within hours of arriving, I wanted a water craft of my own. I was not there to yacht, however.

One of the many sail boats.

While it was a time of relaxation, it was extremely important that I go to meet the closest of JC's family. All eight of us (2 sets of paternal aunts and uncles, JC's sister, JC's dad, JC and myself) lived in the tiny cabin for five days with one bathroom. Oddly, it seemed to work. I got over being nervous around them because the cabin forced you to be together. They were so nice and welcoming. Without television or or other entertainment, we had conversation and enjoyed the radio. Most nights we were in bed by ten. We negotiated bathroom time simply by asking. JC and I enjoyed an outdoor shower in the evening with piping hot water right under the big dipper.



JC and I on a cloudy day.

The few times we ventured into town, it was for necessities like groceries or sandwiches from a small italian eatery that's been around forever. After a dinner in, we would stroll down to the pier for ice cream and watch the tourists flow in and out of the small place, their plates piled high with seafood and onion rings. Of course there was lobster but neither JC nor myself love lobster. It's okay. I eat it sparingly and he does not like it at all. I'm happier with clams, shrimp, or the cheesesteak sandwich (JC endorses this sandwich). We enjoyed watching others eat it
.

Of course I wanted to ride my bike. JC drove them up, so how could we not ride? However, I melted down on both rides. The small road leading on and off the island is no joke for cyclists. With no shoulder, poor road maintenance and an unfamiliar terrain, my nerves were racked by close passing cars and never ending bumps, slumps, and dangerous cracks. We completed (2), twenty or so mile rides. It wasn't that motorists were non cycling friendly, there was not enough space for all of us. Once you turned off the "death road", it was perfect rolling hills with scenic views of the ocean or amazing homes that we will never be able to afford. Meltdowns are rare for me on the bike but the meltdowns were worth the scenery. I want to ride my bike there again but we will drive our bikes to a safer starting and ending point.


Jc and I out on a coastal ride.

 Waiting four years for a vacation has been well worth it. I came home already thinking about the next trip to Maine. Next year, JC and I will likely be able to drive. We can take our time going up the coast, take our dog, and sip our coffee on the sun porch. It has been a tradition in his family for five generations and it looks like we will continue the tradition.

Happiness is truly priceless...

It's been a wild and crazy year. It's been nearly a full calendar year since my employment was turned upside down dumping me on my bottom. It's been a year since I've been able to comfortably exhale. There is a sense of relief to reach the one-year milestone. I'm here and I'm fine.

Around this date last year, I came into work and was told I was no longer needed. The week prior I'd submitted a request for vacation and never heard from management. When I asked about it, they told me they would get back to me. They gave me a "different" kind of vacation, one where I never come back. While I was upset at the abrupt notification and lack of professionalism, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me in my entire career. Since I was twenty-two, I've been working with non-profits all over my home town. In 2008, the landscape and scope of my work changed dramatically. With the economy slumping and growing more depressed each day, the donations and support to non-profits floundered. My position had been downsized or cut before but I always had another job lined up. This time, I did not and I went home in a panic.




Beginning of one bad chapter in life.


In the winter of 2010 I took a new position (because my current one was being downsized), taking over for someone with a long organizational history. I was already somewhat burned out but I was confident that this organization had a long standing community presence. I was tired of the panic and chaos that so many non-profits operate under. However, I was assured this was not the case with this organization. To bluntly put it, I was lied to. Everyday of work was chaos and pressure to do more with less...bring in more dollars...push...push...push...get it done.

What I took away from my year there was the idea of the manager I never want to be. I approached my manager many times seeking mentoring or leadership advice only to find that she was too consumed in her own personal life and did not want to "manage" anyone. She was constantly worried about appearing "perfect." Several times I attempted to have a serious conversation with her and she would begin tearing up. Her only advice to me ever was "anticipate the move of the other managers...really anticipate and adhere to their needs. They should never have to ask for anything." This is the worst advice I've ever received in my entire career.

Non-profit work is about relationships. I learned that early. It takes a long time to build sincere relationships. I learned a valuable lesson when I took over the job from someone else. She had 30+ years experience and when she left to retire, her relationships retired with her. People said she lived at the organization working day and night. I refused to be that person. When I interviewed for my current position, I was careful to ask many questions about the person leaving. Yes, she was retiring but my company was ready to change the position. I've rarely had a soul say to me "We used to do it like this________." That's all I heard at the other job, everyday. I was hired to carry on a job and complete it as someone else had been doing it since the late 60's. Change was not welcome, nor encouraged.

Oxymoron if there ever was one.

It has been my experience that when organizations refuse to change or look ahead, they begin to fail. They decompose from the inside out. The staff is angry, tired and used up. The programs suffer and the delivery of a product or service shows the cracks from within. Turnover rates say a lot. I asked a lot of questions before I took my new job. I did not do that before. I trusted that the organizations I worked with had the same passion for my hometown as I have. What I have found, is many of them have a passion for the dollars but not the people behind the monies.

I've learned a valuable lesson in relationships with co-workers. I enjoy working with people but constant socializing with them outside of work is not an appropriate boundary. Bar hopping and party going are not in many job descriptions and I refuse to make that a hobby. There is argument for separation of church and state for an obvious reason. There should also be a valid argument for separation of co-worker and your personal space. What are you going to talk about when you are around your co-workers constantly? Work. Guess what I'd like to not talk about all the time? Work.

What I have taken away from last year most is the need for a work-life balance. Working with non-profits, I am keenly aware that I will never make millions. I want to do a good job. I will work hard. However, I need a life outside of my job. This means, I do not need to work twelve-hour days, have late night emails or texts constantly about work. When I leave work, I like to have a social life with hobbies. I know my job may require me to work outside the nine to five parameters but not everyday. Most importantly, I like to come home not too stressed about my job or living in fear that my position may be eliminated with every passing day. I still have the passion for my hometown but I am cautious about which organizations I attach myself to. The pay is not nearly as important as the satisfaction. Happiness is truly priceless.

90 Day Countdown

Three months from today, I am getting married. GULP! Three months from today, some of our family members and friends will join us at a small farm house to share a special afternoon. This is a DIY wedding. This is not a glitz and glamour wedding. There are few, if any, bows involved. There are no tuxes, no registery, no brides maids, groomsmen, no DJ's, or sit down four-course meal. There is, however, a lot of craft time, creativity, and handmade goodness.

Our invites are hand stamped muslin fabric. All local, all handcrafted.

Someone offered to make us homemade cake toppers. We're doing something more simple.

Mom is making my flowers from her own garden. They will be wrapped with my great-grandmothers prayer gloves she wore for her first communion around 1919. This picture was an inspiration because mom assured me that we are not paying $144 for one bouquet of flowers (her words).

This wedding planning is around us. We are not working to make others happy. Right now, our wedding is personalized and financed by us. All of our simple details are all handmade so far. This wedding will have a hint of cycling with southern style. Think bow ties, old farm houses, and bourbon. This is what we wanted. I'd like to imagine that Anthony Bourdain would be impressed if he walked in on our wedding. It would be even nicer if he did some voice over work and photos with us. He's not on the guest list.

Our guest list is small, reserved for only close friends and closer family. The ceremony will be short. We do not have a plan B for the weather. I am working to keep the stress low.The best part of getting married in my thirites is I have never had a time in my life where I've been more comfortable with myself. I used to say I have no regrets but truthfully, I wish I had waited all this time to marry. My twenties were not a perfect time in my life. I was not ready for the responsibilities and work that is marriage. I was not ready for all the changes I was going through as a person. I learned a valuable lesson...be patient...be very patient. I have been quite slow to move near marriage again. It only came up in rare discussions and the one thing I was certain about was the fact that I would not even consider marriage unless the right person came along. I had fully accepted this may never happen.

When people ask me about "the one" or "how did you know?" I unfortantely have to answer with a cliche of sorts. On one of our first dates, JC and I started completeing each other sentences or saying things in unison. This did not happen once, twice or three times but many times. After nearly three years we still do it almost everyday. At times, we may say something aloud so off the wall, we really do wonder how we conjured it up. There is some reassurance when we say something obscure at the same time. At least we realize we are not alone in our thoughts. That is something special and rare. I had never been one of those girls who claimed love at first sight or swooned over the first few dates. However, very early on, we both knew something was different.

We're not pefect. We have our arguments. They are not cute. We move on after we cool down. Neither of us can imagine ourselves without the other. The trials of our relationship started early with some huge stressors. We rolled through those. In many ways we are opposites. I am the social outgoing one. He is the quiet, shy type. You have to wonder if he is having a good time at a friends house because he is so quiet. He would tell me if he wasn't. We balance each other.

JC and I at a friends wedding recently.

 We've worked out the household chores list. I cook. I cook a lot. I love to come home and cook dinner.I hate dishes. He does the dishes. He makes coffee. I handle all our fiscal responsibilities. I take care of the flowers. He keeps the cars detailed. He keeps our bikes built. We have similar passions although my aspirations of public office are my aspirations alone. Most importatnt, we know we will never be rich, have a huge house, two new cars, and a vacation home. We are fine with that. We are happier with our small home, small mortgage, loving animals and Sunday mornings on the couch. We'll see how the next 90-days goes.