Friday, January 8, 2010

My insurance will not pay for frostbite...

Um. I would first like to express my extreme discontent with this current winter “situation.” I live in what is supposedly known as the south but this can really cause a great argument amongst locals because it depends what you envision when you think about the south. If you are picturing antebellum pastel dresses, laced parasols, and women fainting with a long drawl on their words, that is NOT Louisville, Kentucky. We are more of a “hybrid” city with slow talkers (we have an accent, face it, deal with it) but our meals generally lack the large amounts of bacon fat that true southerners enjoy (true southern are envisioning that can on their stove of bacon grease used for seasoning of all meals right now). Our winters are normally mild…like generic salsa at a cheap Mexican restaurant…it’s ketchup with sugar and chunks of canned tomato—nothing too wild and exciting but you eat it anyway because you are hungry and it is free.

Well, edit that description because our norm has been turned into the habanera salsa complete with a warning on the label and the need for a glass of milk after. Here six days into the new decade, we got about 4-5 inches of snow (which is pretty) but more worrisome the mercury took a serious nose dive straight down to the floor. We have warnings on the news about the wind-chill (which is hovering around zero right now) and the threat of frostbite. For a cyclist, if the snow wasn’t bad enough to contend with, coming to grips that your bike and you may freeze stops you in your tracks.

Frostbite means you can flat out forget about getting on your bike and going outside. I mean, frostbite is a true bad ass (no tattoos needed). It can slow down your body including the function of your major organs, it can freeze your joints, your phalanges, and even your eyelashes. I just changed insurance providers and after reviewing the 102-page policy in size 6 font, I cannot find anything that affirms they will cover payment for frostbite but they will pay for my gastric bypass surgery.

I mean, there is little to do to pass my time. I can do a solid cardio workout, read, and watch bad movies. I have some serious respect for the temperature gauge especially when it cannot even get above zero. I will wait patiently for the snow to thaw and the temps to warm…so my legs can once again know the enjoyment of a ride.

Of course…I should have known, some people JUST CANNOT WAIT and THEY CANNOT RESPECT SUBZERO TEMPS…and they INSIST on being on the bike. They have to ONE UP those of us who refuse to freeze our eyelashes off for the enjoyment of a ride. Even MORE freaking amazing, they INSIST on multitasking. Thank you David Peterson (click and scroll down a bit--you will see it)….now I feel like a true failure. Obviously, HE has better insurance.

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