1. I spent waaaay too much time in school (I took my time in grad school trying to “find” myself when in actuality a divorce interrupted my studies)
2. I am extremely narcissistic and think of myself as one smart tart
3. Obviously I did not understand the term “electives”…who the hell takes a calculus class as an elective?
4. With all this supposed knowledge, I should easily be able to master the buckle on my new Sidi road shoes
Well…unfortunately with two degrees, the ability to read Le Petit Prince, the useless skill of understanding exponential functions, and the truth of the matter that I battle constant insecurity everyday leads me to the last point, I CANNOT UNDO THE BUCKLE ON MY NEW SHOES!
Imagine my extreme excitement to FINALLY locate a pair of “pro” road shoes that were stylish (no pink anywhere to be found), in my size (37 or US6), and affordable ($269.99 shoe for $33.00)! What girl does not love shoe shopping? Saturday when I came home to find them on my doorstep, I reacted like a kid on Christmas morning literally ripping the ample packing tape from the box faster than a rodeo wrangler. Tossing the Sidi tissue aside (nice marketing), the note from the seller begging for positive feedback on Ebay, and the little Sidi postcard, I stood there with my new shiny shoes….PERPLEXED. The buckle, now several years old in design is a ratcheting mechanism that increases your maximum output while keeping comfort intact. In other words, it’s awesome! Well, that is the theory, anyway. I would not REALLY know how they feel on my foot because they are in my floor, waiting for more capable hands to work them.
You see, I sat on my couch wrestling, digging, pawing, and fingering the buckle until my fingertips were red. My friend (also in grad school), attempted the same maneuvers without so much as moving the buckle a millimeter. The new shoes had been ratcheted down as tight as they would go. Upon further inspection, the postcard I tossed aside actually was a set of instructions (English and Italian, no French!) detailing how to buckle and unbuckle the shoe. There are ONLY four illustrations and even after I wrinkled my face and made guttural grunts, the shoes stared back at me with their buckles FIRMLY locked down. SHEER MOCKERY I TELL YOU! In desperation or possibly my “game show” moment, I phoned someone who has as many years on the bike as I have behind a desk. Even with explicit phone directions (some laughter), the buckles remain unmoved.
Discouraged and disappointed, I was told that getting the buckles undone is a common beginners fault. It takes a little know how and strength. Apparently, I have neither of these qualities as it relates to this pair of shoes and in even more general elementary terms, I SUCK. So what have I learned from this experience?
1. Italian and English directions are not helpful, even with illustrations and directional arrows
2. I need stronger fingers
3. I have been outsmarted by a pair of shoes
Good thing I did not go for that Ph.D.